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Original at University of Calgary in Winnifred Eaton Reeve Fonds
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Since I was first able to think I have had intense longings for wealth. To have money, to have honor, greatness, grandeur and splendour; to have this, was to live. Money, to me, was everything. As no man ever longed before, as no one ever could long, I longed for wealth. Oh! to be able to put one’s hand in the pocket and feel the roll of bank-notes, the clink of gold and silver, to be able to sit at a desk and write off a cheque for whatever amount I desired—to have wealth, to have wealth, I prayed God to grant it to me.
I was a law clerk. When I say law clerk
, please do not suppose I mean a law student
. The student in a law office studies his profession and eventually becomes a lawyer; but the law clerk, stay, I am going to define to you what a law clerk is. He is the poor devil in the office who is bullied by the partners, patronized by the students, pitied by the typewriter and envied by the office boy. He it is who looks after everything that comes in and goes out of the office, who does the book-keeping, assists the typewriter,
I had only one relative in the world—my mother. She lived in the country, and I had not seen her since I was a boy of fourteen, when I came to the city to earn my living. Nevertheless, I had to suppo
Stern men, who condemn me now, who know not what my past had been, of my trials, my poverty, my longings, pause and wonder not that I committed crime.
To others I appeared quiet, reserved, reticent. The student in the office getting up a party to go snowshoeing, skating, or on some other amusement, refrained from asking Blake to go, because he does not care for such things, you know
, not out of unkindliness, for I firmly believe that they all, more or less, liked me. For was not Blake the one that could be blamed for everything, who never interfered, never quarrelled, never tattled. I was quiet, and they thought me absent-minded. Was I absent-minded? Never! Why, nothing escaped me. Did I not observe, reflect on everything? Every person I met I thought of. Every word they uttered I caught up and dissected. Yes, I understood them thoroughly, and I despised them. They were all the same, dull or clever, good or bad, they had one thought—self.
How
Go
, I yelled; go before I
. He stepped back. He was so amazed he uttered not a word. He had expected to be overwhelmed with thanks, but his face was smarting from the strength with which I flung the bill at him. Gradually he recovered himself, but he was too well bred