I took a lady for a walk And all that lady did was—talk! She talked about the birds that fly She said we all must some day die And asked me for the reason why She said wet laws should be enforced That Doug and Mary were divorced The Prince of Wales had been unhorsed. She said she got a thrill from Shuler That he and Aimee couldn’t fool-er. The temperature was getting cooler. She strayed from literature to art. She said the world was getting older; That every winter seemed much colder And girls were getting bold and bolder. She said she found most men were queer, But one—guess who?--a perfect dear, And murmured that the Spring was near! She said the Movies gave her pain That Gilbert’s lure was on the wane, That Clara Bow had gone insane. She said that Young had been elected That Mary Nolan was inspected; That Lupe Velez had been detected. She raved of virtue versus vice; She said the latter wasn’t nice, But she was safe, for she was wise! She talked of Marion’s freckled nose, She said her lisp was just a pose, And that the world was full of woes. She talked of Norma and the the Stork She said she just adored roast pork And hoped she’d never have to work. She talked of Garbo and her lure, And of the rich and of the poor In these days no one could be sure. And then she asked if I were well And said she had a psychic smell--- At that I shouted: Go to H----!